Bruno's Blog – a complete animal at work

Call me accident prone if you like, but this one was really not my fault.

There’d been a lot of to-ing and fro-ing yesterday – the old man cycled off to work as usual but left me behind which was sort of OK as I’m not that keen on the ride in the rucksack thing until we get to the park, but the downside was that it meant no long walk with crazy Stena later on. But then the girl took me to the park which was fine. Great, actually because she talked to me a lot. In fact she talks all the time which can get annoying but this time it was fine.

Anyway then she and I and the woman went out in the car (not a good bit – I don’t really like the car at the moment) to take her to school as she had a late start. Then back home. OK so far.

Then the woman had to collect the boy from school and THEN go back to collect the girl from her school. You see how it’s getting confusing already? Anyway, I was there, hanging around the front door and bouncing as I do when I think I’m going somewhere interesting. BUT the boy was dragging his heels and being slow so she got cross and started shouting so I ran off and hid under the bed upstairs – it’s safer up there.

And then they left.

Doing that beepy thing they do before going out and then again when they come back in the door.

I had a kip, but after an hour or so I felt peckish so I wandered down to the kitchen. And there was that beepy thing again, so they must have come back, but that’s funny I didn’t hear the door.

So I’m standing there by the door, wagging my tail to the International Standard of Canine Greeting level 3 (graded from 1 which is a single open eye to 7 which is vertical takeoff with a triple back flip whilst both barking and urinating – not an easy one, but I am practising), when

YYYEEEEOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What on earth was that?

A screaming yowling ringing clanging ear piercing loudest thing you ever heard in your entire life bell-type thing started INSIDE THE HOUSE.

Now for noise a phobic dog, this was way too much, so I rapidly retreated to safety zone 4 (under the bed) and tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, which unfortunately it was. Ouch. Ouch ouch ouch, noisy.

This also seemed to start a series of other visits. First the opposite neighbour who turned the ringy thing off which was great, but spoke to me in Spanish which didn’t help me much at the time. She got a level 2 greeting because I know her and the noise had stopped but I still didn’t really know what was going on, so it was bit confusing. Then came the woman with the girl and boy in tow, which was much better. I gave them a level 5 and they made a fuss of me, saying how sorry they were to have forgotten me and turned the burglar alarm on and why hadn’t I just stayed asleep like a normal dog?

And then came the men in dark blue uniforms, shiny buttons and white car with bright things on the side and a blue light on top. I gave them a level 4 as I was trying to remind them of the time two of their friends had come littering down our little road (a hill) in a car a bit like that – they must have been chasing someone because they were going really fast – rather like me when I’m chasing a fox in the brave way that I do.

Anyway, that day someone in another car pulled out in front of them at the bottom of the hill and they bashed into each other. The white shiny one with the blue light on top must have been REALLY pleased to see the other one because it nearly managed to execute a full level 7 greeting! It got the vertical takeoff bit fine, managed the noise levels about right but landed clumsily upside down in someone’s front garden which I thought rather spoilt the effect.

The observant amongst you will have remembered that the full level 7 also requires urination in excitement. I do remember the car leaking all sorts of liquids, which I suppose counts, but I think it must have hurt itself, because it didn’t seem able to get up afterwards. They then had to bring a fire engine to help, which I didn’t like much because they’re big and red and remind me of buses. It was all quite exciting really.

But the men in blue weren’t listening to me and by the time I’d finished telling the story they’d long gone….

 

Ok so I fell in the river. So?

I’d been down in Kent visiting the old man’s mum (I think) and another old boy who said over lunch that his grandfather had been a friend of the original Parson Jack Russell, the man who SAYS he invented us. I actually think that’s a bit of a cheek to suggest that a mere human could have invented such an exalted creature as moi, Jacques de Roussell, as clearly we are closely related to god and have no need for a Parson or indeed any other type of priest in order to effect our transcendance to that higher spiritual place that is our right and natural home.

And then there was another bloke there who had the temerity to suggest that he knew of another Jack Russell called Bruno. Bring him to me, I say, and let’s sort this out the old fashioned way.

Anyway, finally we were leaving at the end of the afternoon. Out into the dark and as we crossed the car park I caught a fantastic scent of fox. Oh boy – was it good.

Anyway, there I was, tearing around yipping away (I’m not sure quite where that sound comes from, but there you go), in and out of the bushes, back across the grass, back into the bushes, wildly excited all the way. I tore into one last bit of bush, but no one had told me that the bush was only about a foot thick and on the other side of it was the river.

I found myself temporarily mid-air then suddenly mind-numbingly cold. And dark.

The old man was calling me, then getting grumpy and yelling because I hadn’t come when called (he’s really fussy about that – such a pain). Then he came crashing through the bush to see what had happened.

In the dark I just about managed a small squeak (Editor – please could you make that ‘loud bark’) to attract his attention, but he didn’t see me floundering around in the filthy muddy water. Another small squeak did it (PS editor – could you make that a ‘brave loud roar’?) and finally he knelt down and hoisted me by the collar onto the bank.

Not actually very dignified, and bugger me it was cold. No warm towel and a long way to go home. Hmm…